How to love yourself … probably the most powerful question we could ever ask ourselves … and for many of us the hardest to answer. It was for me … and for many of the people I work with. You see as a perfectionist with anxious tendencies I’d turned self-criticism into an art form. The journey to loving myself has been a long road – too long in fact – and so to save you some time and trouble here is what I found worked best.
How to Love Yourself Is NOT About Committing to a Weekly Massage
Over the years many people I’ve met gave me advice about dealing with anxiety and loving myself – offering a range of tips from “you should be be more kind to yourself” to have a weekly massage.
In fact for about 12 months, when I was going through one of the most difficult periods of my life, I did get weekly massages … to absolutely no avail.
While my therapist was amazing, these massages were worth little in the big picture. Yes, they were a 60-minute hiatus from the stress of life – but they did nothing to address the deeply held yearnings inside me for peace and joy.
I’ve found the path to loving myself fully has been so much more about the story I tell myself about myself and my life than having regular massages.
It’s been about my internal dialogue in the dark of the night when I am completely alone with my thoughts at 2 am.
It’s about what I say and feel about myself when I’ve just made a mistake in my business or said the “wrong” thing to a loved one or colleague.
It’s about the vibration I hold in general in relation to myself and my life.
And it’s about the frequency I live in on a minute-by-minute basis.
Why Is the Story We Tell Ourselves So Important?
The story we tell ourselves – about ourselves and our lives – is central to how we feel about ourselves.
Gandhi summed it up when he said:
“We are the products of our thoughts. What we think we become”.
If we continually tell ourselves we are no good, a loser or a victim then that is what we become.
This isn’t just spiritual ‘woo woo’ – it is based on the science of quantum physics. Quantum physics tells us the observer affects the observed. Meaning that what we tell ourselves we become.
If we tell ourselves negative stories long enough we become the judge, jury, and executioner of our own lives.
For most of us, this starts as a child. Aristotle (and subsequently many psychologists) said: “give me a child until 7 and I will show you the person”.
As a child, I was shy and told myself I was no good at sport and no good at maths … guess what happened. As a teenager, I told myself I was no good at interacting with boys … guess what happened. As an adult, I questioned my success in relationships … guess what happened.
After a failed marriage and a second marriage not looking good I realised I needed to look a little harder inside for what could be going on. I’d read the books, seen the therapists and thought I’d “done the work” but still was not getting the results I was looking for.
Despite my outward corporate and business success and my ‘fairytale” happy family life, my anxiety was eating me alive and making my world smaller and smaller.
The penny dropped finally when I really took in the essence of Gandhi’s words … “We are the products of our thoughts. What we think we become”.
I had created a story and a world for myself where I was the perpetual victim harassed by a really nasty girl … you know like that nasty girl at school … except the “nasty girl” was a part of me.
Despite the outward trappings of success, I was a victim to “nasty girl” and a whole set of negative beliefs that were getting me nowhere fast. I had also cast myself as a victim to others.
It was time to write a new story where I was no longer the victim to “nasty girl” but a self-loving leader of my own life. It was also time to create a new daily practice that would change the frequency and chemical composition of my body so that I could live my new story.
It was also time to filter out the negative old stories that others told me about myself.
This blog is part of my new story – here I share practical tips and insights on how to manifest your own power and freedom within. I’ll share with you the steps you can take to make real changes in your life so you can feel more happy, joyful and content in the here and now … and learn how to manifest those long-held dreams that maybe you thought had passed you by.
Would You Like to Get Rid of Your Own “Nasty Girl” and Create a New Story for Yourself?
Have you had enough of your own “nasty girl”? Would you like to slow down those unwanted, negative thoughts so you’ve got the space to create a powerful new story for yourself? If so click here to access The Stuck Solution – my 5 secrets to getting unstuck, taking action on your dreams and creating the life you want. It also will help you turn down the volume on your “nasty girl” or “nasty guy” – especially useful at 2 am or anytime someone is glaring at you.
If this resonates with you please comment below. I’d love to hear from you as we journey together on this road.
Also if you want to read a little more about Gandi, his own battle with fear of public speaking, and to see some more of his quotes click here.
Have an amazing and inspired day!
Who is Jen Ramsey?
If you’re ready to tap into your inner freedom and personal power join me. I’ll help you let go of any self-doubt and manifest more freedom – in life and business – so you can shine. You’ll find your purpose, path, and voice and have someone in your corner absolutely committed to your success.
Along the way, you’ll create a deeper connection to yourself, your intuition and your ability to create exactly what you want in your life.
You see I know what it’s like to feel stuck in fear, dissatisfied with your life but not sure which way to turn or what to do. While I worked for years as a successful corporate advisor and business owner I battled an invisible and insidious adversary – anxiety. Today I’m on the other side of that battle and am an advocate for anyone ready to step away from the grip of self-doubt into their freedom and personal power.
I’ll help you let go of your fears so you can finally say yes to you and your long-held dreams. To do this you can work with me 1:1, in group coaching or at one of my events. To learn more click here or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.